Ring Ring!



So I sit here at my desk, while my coworker's office phone begins to ring.  Ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring... about four rings is standard before finally being sent to voice mail.  Sure enough, after four rings there's silence, and then... ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring... apparently they don't believe my coworker is not at his desk.  Four more rings, and then silence... for about eight seconds.  Ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring... now this is just getting silly.  After another round of rings, the phone finally falls quiet.  Ahh, a non-ringing office.  My joy is short lived, however, as I quickly come to the realization that my coworker has apparently left his cell phone at his desk.  Ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring... and we begin a ping-pong of phone rings.  Office phone, cell phone, office phone, cell phone, ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring... ring, ring...

I suppose it would be humorous to me if this was the first time it had ever happened, or if this coworker was the only one who had a friend or family member who feels it necessary to continuously keep dialing a number they know no one is going to answer... but apparently this form of serial call-back-ing is standard practice for at least a percentage of Americans.

People... honestly... if you call someone's phone and they don't answer, there are only two reasons.  Either they're unavailable, or they simply don't want to talk to you.  Either way, continuously calling them over and over will not get them to answer any quicker.  Most phones now days have caller ID, so they will see that you've called when they get back to their phone.  If they wish to speak with you... they'll call you.  Above all else, please realize that when you continuously call a phone over and over, there just may be an innocent coworker on the other side of the wall wishing for a little peace from the incessant RINGING!!!!



Don't Look At Me!

 A while back I was in the food court of a mall when I noticed a group of three teenagers sporting their wildest, weirdest, spikiest, loudest, most torn up attire.  Two boys, both wearing eyeliner, and a girl, wearing even more eyeliner.  All donned piercings, ripped clothing, and about a half a bottle of mousse each (although the boys only sported a wild hairdo on the top and front, while the back of their hair seemed to be a mousse-free zone, leading me to believe they probably left the house looking somewhat "normal", then hurriedly applied handfuls of mousse in the mall restroom just prior to their public appearance).  At first glance I had to smile.  Kids trying to find themselves... expressing themselves the only way they know how.  I can relate... more power to them (after all, I did grow up in the 80s).  But as people turned to check them out, I heard one of the kids say "why don't you take a picture?", which got me thinking.  Why the hell would you dress in a manner that is intended to draw attention to yourself, then get upset when you get attention?  It's not my fault you walked in here looking like a wannabe punked up emo dweeb.  News flash for all teens trying to make a statement - If you dress, talk, walk, sing, drive, do your hair, apply your makeup, or otherwise act in any manner intended to attract attention... you're going to attract attention!  If you prefer not to attract attention... blend.  It's that simple. 

Don't want people to look at you?  Throw on some clean jeans that actually cover your underwear (hint: there's a reason it's called "underwear"), a T-shirt, shoes that are laced up and tied properly, an average hairstyle, and minimal makeup and piercings.  I guarantee people all over town will walk right passed you without any pointing, laughing or mocking.  On the other hand, if you prefer to be noticed, that's fine too.  Put on your holy jeans, rat your hair, line your eyes, pierce your lips, cheeks and eyebrows, throw on some bright colors or spikes and enjoy the limelight... sometimes it's good to be seen.  Ultimately the choice is yours... but when you finally get what you're asking for... shut the hell up and accept it.

Some Possible Side Effects

Ok... so I'm watching TV and on comes an ad for the asthma medication Advair.  They tell me how great their medication is.  People with asthma will be able to run and play again.  Those who suffer from COPD will have a new leash on life.  Everything about this medication is amazing and wonderful.  Life is grand!  Then they nonchalantly slip in the line "Advair contains salmeterol, which increases the risk of asthma-related death."  Ahem... what?  It took me a moment to realize what they were actually saying.  "We have a drug to sell you that will treat your symptoms of asthma, but will ultimately increase your risk of dying from the very condition we're treating you for!"

This got me looking at some other common medications, and wondering, are the side effects worse than the symptoms you're treating?.  The allergy medication, Zyrtec, lists the following "common" side effects:  Dizziness, headaches, abdominal pain, nosebleeds, diarrhea, among others.  Pretty harsh for a drug that is only trying to treat a runny nose and watery eyes.  It also lists the following "serious" side effects:  High blood pressure, rapid heart rate, confusion, anxiety and breathing problems.  As well as the following "less common" (but still possible) side effects:  hair loss, arthritis, ear infection, bladder infection, hemorrhoids, vertigo, migraines, loss of appetite and weight gain.  I'm not even sure what to think about a medication that causes loss of appetite and weight gain.  Doesn't this all seem a little heavy for medication who's main purpose is to un-stuff your sinuses?

Viagra can actually turn your vision blue.  True story!  Temporarily, of course, but whoa... I don't want my vision to be blue even for a little while.  The popular stop-smoking drug Chantix causes severe, intense, vivid dreams in a large number of users.  The hair-loss drug Propecia can cause "gynecomastia".  This is an affliction that causes men to develop fully functional mammary glands and even lactate!  You think losing your hair makes you look less manly?  How do you think you'll look with a nice set of Double D's?  The medication Requip, used to treat Restless Leg Syndrome, lists an uncanny side effect - unusual and irresistible sexual and gambling-related urges.  I have no idea why these two are related or why they're the only two urges affected by the medication.  The antibiotic, Levaquin can cause phototoxicity, making you the equivalent of a vampire where sunlight is concerned.  Exposed skin will sunburn almost instantly.  The weight loss drug Alli has an interesting set of side effects, and it starts with uncontrollable bowel movements.  Hey, if there's one thing I'd rather keep control of, it's my bowels.  Also on the list for Alli side effects are loose stools and "oily spotting", accompanied by flatulence.  In other words... greasy farts.  The Alli website describes this oily spotting as such: "You may recognize it as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza."  Well, I guess that about does it for my appetite for Domino's.

 

So at what point do we step back and ask "are the side effects worse than the symptoms?"  Where do we draw the line?  If the treatment for a hangnail causes gangrene, is that too much?  If your dry skin treatment causes sudden blindness, have you gone too far?  Just something to think about, I guess.

Royal Pain

 

Am I the only one who is sick to death of the wedding of Prince William?  I mean seriously, we have the beatification of John Paul II going on in Vatican City (beatification, for those who don't know, is the third of four steps in the canonization process in which the deceased's passage into heaven is recognized and they are given the capacity to intercede on behalf of those who pray in their name.  A person who is beatified is given the titled "Blessed".).  The space shuttle Endeavor takes it's final voyage.  A massive tornado tears through Alabama killing nearly 300 people.  Another flare up in Libya with nearly 40 casualties.  Syrian forces kill 14 anti-government protesters in Daraa.  But let's forget all that... Prince What's-his-name is getting married!  How is this news?  Or more to the point... WHY is this news?  Do I care that the royal penis is finally seeing some action?  Does it make an iota of difference to me whether Prince William is married or not?  Is there a reason for me to care, even a little bit, about the wedding of a foreign prince?  Prince William is doing what literally tens of millions of people do all over the world every year. 

Get off your high horse, William.  You put your royal pants on one leg at a time... just like the rest of us.

Orange Juice Catastrophe

Ok, so I was walking through Walmart the other day looking for some of those strangely-dressed shoppers people keep sending me pictures of, when I just happened to peer into the refrigerated juice section and noticed something odd.  The vast majority of the OJ jugs had their tops crushed in.  Call me strange, but I have an issue with paying full price for a jug of juice that looks like it went the rounds with Macho Man Randy Savage!  My money says the box these jugs of juice were shipped in said "DO NOT CRUSH" in big, bold lettering across at least one of the outside panels.  Now I understand that mistakes are made and accidents happen, but when you make a mistake like this, don't just stock the product on the shelf and pretend nothing's wrong.  We can all see the tops of the jugs are crushed in  Do you really think we just don't notice it, or that someone might actually walk up and say "Hey, check out the new orange juice packaging!  They've made them look crush in, what a great marketing idea!"  The crushed OJ jugs were so blatantly obvious, I half expected to see a Walmart greeter moonlighting as OJ security, telling everyone walking by to "keep moving, people... there's nothing to see here."  I figure the least Walmart could do was mark them down in price.  Perhaps sell them as "damaged".  Of course the best option would be not to stock the crushed jugs at all, but I doubt you'll ever talk a Walmart store into taking a loss on something... but that's a whole other story.

This is the actual pic I took with my phone of the infamous crushed Walmart juice.

De-evolution

In the animal kingdom, nature has a way of culling the herd when it comes to weak, sick, or otherwise inferior members of any given species. The weaker/slower/older members of a family of prey animals are the first to be eaten by predators. The weaker/slower/older members of a family of predators are less likely to catch prey, and eventually starve to death. This may sound harsh, but it's nature's way of making sure the strong survive. The species as a whole grows stronger.

Humans are the only animals who not only allow our weak to survive, but we actually cater to them. I know it's in our nature to protect and care for our less fortunate, but are we fighting the laws of nature in the process? I'm not saying we shouldn't help those who need help, but should we really make them millionaires because they're morons? Have we really evolved to a point where some nimrod can stuff his face with Big Macs, french-fries, and chocolate shakes, then sue McDonalds for making him fat? Where the hell has this guy been for the last 20 years? You can't turn on the TV now days without seeing some obnoxious guy in a ponytail talking about diet and exercise. There's no way this guy can claim ignorance. Is there anyone in this country who really doesn't know that junk food can make you fat? The only other possible answer is stupidity. I was so happy when I read that this case had been thrown out of court that I jabbed a screwdriver into my eye. Now I'm thinking of suing the Stanley corporation for not putting a warning label on it.

That's another thing that scares me lately. All these damn warning labels. Apparently the human race has become so stupid, we now need a labeling system, warning us of such dangers as using electrical appliances in the shower.  Wait, what?  I can't make toast or blend me a margarita while enjoying a nice shower? What ever shall I do?" The Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield Cover comes with a warning that says "Never drive with the cover on your windshield". Holy shit! REALLY?  But it's snowing! If I don't keep it on, snow will land on my windshield while I'm driving and I won't be able to see! 

I think what our species needs to do is; first, pass a law prohibiting people from suing for stupidity, then remove all warning labels. Nature will take care of the rest. If you're stupid enough to drive your car with a windshield cover in place, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to pass on your stupidity genes. Sure, the people at the Darwin Awards would have a hell of a time keeping up for the first little while, but in time, things would slow down, and our population would grow smart enough that we could finally take the "May Cause Drowsiness" warning off of boxes of Nytol. 

Chimps and Racism

Recently a picture has been making the rounds on the internet depicting President Obama as the child of a chimpanzee couple which states "Now you know why there's no birth certificate".  I must admit I actually find a little humor in it, but only for the same reasons I find humor in similar picture that compare former President G.W. Bush to a chimpanzee.  Today I discovered that The Daily Mail ran a story a few days ago referring to the picture as "racist", and that democrats in Washington are accusing at least one Tea Part member of racism for forwarding the email.

The thing that has me puzzled is this - the people who are making a big deal about a picture that compares Obama to a chimp didn't seem to have any issue with the pictures that compared Bush to a chimp.  Somehow when you compare Bush to a chimpanzee it's an attack on his intelligence, but when you compare Obama to a chimpanzee it suddenly becomes a race issue.  How does that work?  I put Obama in the same intellectual category as Bush, so the comparison should work for either of them.

Can you say "double standard"?

Apparently this picture is racist...






...but these pictures are not racist...

If anyone can explain how this works, please let me know.