Royal Pain

 

Am I the only one who is sick to death of the wedding of Prince William?  I mean seriously, we have the beatification of John Paul II going on in Vatican City (beatification, for those who don't know, is the third of four steps in the canonization process in which the deceased's passage into heaven is recognized and they are given the capacity to intercede on behalf of those who pray in their name.  A person who is beatified is given the titled "Blessed".).  The space shuttle Endeavor takes it's final voyage.  A massive tornado tears through Alabama killing nearly 300 people.  Another flare up in Libya with nearly 40 casualties.  Syrian forces kill 14 anti-government protesters in Daraa.  But let's forget all that... Prince What's-his-name is getting married!  How is this news?  Or more to the point... WHY is this news?  Do I care that the royal penis is finally seeing some action?  Does it make an iota of difference to me whether Prince William is married or not?  Is there a reason for me to care, even a little bit, about the wedding of a foreign prince?  Prince William is doing what literally tens of millions of people do all over the world every year. 

Get off your high horse, William.  You put your royal pants on one leg at a time... just like the rest of us.

Orange Juice Catastrophe

Ok, so I was walking through Walmart the other day looking for some of those strangely-dressed shoppers people keep sending me pictures of, when I just happened to peer into the refrigerated juice section and noticed something odd.  The vast majority of the OJ jugs had their tops crushed in.  Call me strange, but I have an issue with paying full price for a jug of juice that looks like it went the rounds with Macho Man Randy Savage!  My money says the box these jugs of juice were shipped in said "DO NOT CRUSH" in big, bold lettering across at least one of the outside panels.  Now I understand that mistakes are made and accidents happen, but when you make a mistake like this, don't just stock the product on the shelf and pretend nothing's wrong.  We can all see the tops of the jugs are crushed in  Do you really think we just don't notice it, or that someone might actually walk up and say "Hey, check out the new orange juice packaging!  They've made them look crush in, what a great marketing idea!"  The crushed OJ jugs were so blatantly obvious, I half expected to see a Walmart greeter moonlighting as OJ security, telling everyone walking by to "keep moving, people... there's nothing to see here."  I figure the least Walmart could do was mark them down in price.  Perhaps sell them as "damaged".  Of course the best option would be not to stock the crushed jugs at all, but I doubt you'll ever talk a Walmart store into taking a loss on something... but that's a whole other story.

This is the actual pic I took with my phone of the infamous crushed Walmart juice.

De-evolution

In the animal kingdom, nature has a way of culling the herd when it comes to weak, sick, or otherwise inferior members of any given species. The weaker/slower/older members of a family of prey animals are the first to be eaten by predators. The weaker/slower/older members of a family of predators are less likely to catch prey, and eventually starve to death. This may sound harsh, but it's nature's way of making sure the strong survive. The species as a whole grows stronger.

Humans are the only animals who not only allow our weak to survive, but we actually cater to them. I know it's in our nature to protect and care for our less fortunate, but are we fighting the laws of nature in the process? I'm not saying we shouldn't help those who need help, but should we really make them millionaires because they're morons? Have we really evolved to a point where some nimrod can stuff his face with Big Macs, french-fries, and chocolate shakes, then sue McDonalds for making him fat? Where the hell has this guy been for the last 20 years? You can't turn on the TV now days without seeing some obnoxious guy in a ponytail talking about diet and exercise. There's no way this guy can claim ignorance. Is there anyone in this country who really doesn't know that junk food can make you fat? The only other possible answer is stupidity. I was so happy when I read that this case had been thrown out of court that I jabbed a screwdriver into my eye. Now I'm thinking of suing the Stanley corporation for not putting a warning label on it.

That's another thing that scares me lately. All these damn warning labels. Apparently the human race has become so stupid, we now need a labeling system, warning us of such dangers as using electrical appliances in the shower.  Wait, what?  I can't make toast or blend me a margarita while enjoying a nice shower? What ever shall I do?" The Axius Sno-Off Automobile Windshield Cover comes with a warning that says "Never drive with the cover on your windshield". Holy shit! REALLY?  But it's snowing! If I don't keep it on, snow will land on my windshield while I'm driving and I won't be able to see! 

I think what our species needs to do is; first, pass a law prohibiting people from suing for stupidity, then remove all warning labels. Nature will take care of the rest. If you're stupid enough to drive your car with a windshield cover in place, then maybe you shouldn't be allowed to pass on your stupidity genes. Sure, the people at the Darwin Awards would have a hell of a time keeping up for the first little while, but in time, things would slow down, and our population would grow smart enough that we could finally take the "May Cause Drowsiness" warning off of boxes of Nytol. 

Chimps and Racism

Recently a picture has been making the rounds on the internet depicting President Obama as the child of a chimpanzee couple which states "Now you know why there's no birth certificate".  I must admit I actually find a little humor in it, but only for the same reasons I find humor in similar picture that compare former President G.W. Bush to a chimpanzee.  Today I discovered that The Daily Mail ran a story a few days ago referring to the picture as "racist", and that democrats in Washington are accusing at least one Tea Part member of racism for forwarding the email.

The thing that has me puzzled is this - the people who are making a big deal about a picture that compares Obama to a chimp didn't seem to have any issue with the pictures that compared Bush to a chimp.  Somehow when you compare Bush to a chimpanzee it's an attack on his intelligence, but when you compare Obama to a chimpanzee it suddenly becomes a race issue.  How does that work?  I put Obama in the same intellectual category as Bush, so the comparison should work for either of them.

Can you say "double standard"?

Apparently this picture is racist...






...but these pictures are not racist...

If anyone can explain how this works, please let me know.